[Ninja-crawling is go. It's not easy, but with determination and maybe a little surreptitious digging, Don manages to get himself down to where the pipes are.]

Mm. It looks like your pipes are sunk into groundwater - a well, essentially - but no one installed a pump to force the water up into the house. [He starts crawling back out.] You'll want a water heater, too.

[There is an implied "I can fix this".]